Monday, January 8, 2018

CHEATING IS PART OF DOMESTIC ABUSE



It's a new year, and many of us are focusing on new things.  Maybe you're ready to make the most important decision of your life that can affect financial stability.  Perhaps your friends don't agree with what you're about to do regarding your relationship.

In addition to getting less than positive feedback from strangers when it comes to topics of abuse, friends and family avidly debate with me about my views. But I can't stop speaking my truth.


Did you know that cheating is also considered domestic abuse? This is because psychologists believe the pattern of abusers and cheaters can be very similar. Both groups try to justify their behavior, deny their actions, or otherwise refuse to take responsibility. The betraying partner may originally feel some short-term remorse, but really shows no concern about their partner’s feelings, therefore minimizing the behavior. Also, those who refuse to admit to the cheating, telling friends when they are questioned about their partner being delusional or crazy literally makes the situation worse.  This causes feelings of hurt, loss of self-esteem, and emotional trauma to the victim.If you review my other post - Gaslighting, this provides additional information about these specific abusive tactics and how to recognize them.



If this is happening in your world, it is NOT your fault and you are NOT alone!  I visited a Blog months ago that has become my new best friend, and it's called: www.chumplady.com . In a word - WOW! This site has its pulse on cheating and everything associated with it.  In addition, her readers are REAL people sharing pain, anger, feelings of remorse and even a few smiles.  If you feel as if you're all alone, and that no one feels your pain, visit her site when you can.Words of Wisdom - her blog is busy and there are a ton of comments, but you WILL get support.


Sadly, abuse runs rampant in today's society. Many have grown to accept verbal degradation or cheating by minimizing it, laughing about it or pretending it doesn't exist. In addition, seeing someone with a black eye or a broken arm/leg may cause someone to whisper, but nothing is ever really done about it. Living with someone who gradually changes into a person you no longer know is tragic. While cheating displays no blatant visible signs, the emotional degradation  is mindblowing. Neighbors talk, and family tries to shield you from what's really going on behind your back. Domestic abuse in any form is very real, demeaning, harmful and potentially dangerous to  you or someone you love. Please don't ignore it.


I've heard all kinds of reasons of why people ignore monogamy while married, but no excuse is valid to me. I have zero tolerance for cheating.  I read a lot and watch a ton of movies, but if either hints at a situation where someone who is married is cheating, that movie is turned off, and the book gets tossed aside.  I see it as a total betrayal to the marital vows, and lose all respect for that person.  These rigid beliefs can sometimes cause problems, and I've lost friends.  These are people I can no longer trust to be honest.





That being said, despite the anger, or embarrassment, or hurt, it may not be that easy to leave, and this is what people on the outside may not understand. On the surface, we get really frustrated with our friend's situation. Some may want to work things out, others pack up and leave immediately, and a few kick their spouse out.  Whatever the decision - it's yours to makehttps://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/benefits-of-online-couple-counseling/ 

We can offer words of encouragement and be there when needed.  This includes lifting a person up and not judging.Sometimes a person doesn't want advice, and only wants you to listen. Be that good friend.  Support is key.


By the way, if you're hurting, or feel that you're suffering from depression, there are lots of articles to read through. Even better, you also have the opportunity to speak with professional licenced therapists who are ready to listen and offer support.
https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/depression/



40 comments:

  1. I never thought about the similarities between cheating and abuse before. Interesting, and it makes sense. I'm not sure I would completely conflate or equate the two; I suspect some people cheat but take great care that the spouse/partner doesn't find out because they don't want to "hurt" them (and don't understand that even if the partner never finds out, the relationship is still harmed.) That's not necessarily abuse. But serial cheaters who are found out, apologize, and do it again? That's scarily similar to emotional abuse, and has a similar effect on the partner. And no doubt many of them also employ other forms of emotional abuse; some throw physical abuse into the mix as well.

    Like you, I have zero tolerance for cheating, even in books and movies. Well - almost zero tolerance. There are a few books/movies where it has occurred and I have understood why, though I didn't and don't condone it. But usually my reaction is like yours, and I'll stop reading a book where a married person is cheating, unless the cheating is clearly shown to be wrong, and the MC doesn't tolerate it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey There Lark and Happy 6th Blogoversary! So proud of everything you've achieved. You're right, serial cheaters are frequently narcissists who don't care about hurting other people and have a sense of entitlement. It's always great to see other viewpoints. BIG Hugs...Ro

      Delete
    2. Hello my name is Lauren i'm from USA i want to testify of a great and powerful spell caster my husband left me and the kids for 2 weeks when i called him he didn't pick up when he came back home the 3rd week he told me he wanted a divorce i was so sad i cried all night he left again i was so lonely the next day i was searching for something online when i found a spell caster called Priest Ade who have helped so many people with their problems so i contacted him with my problems he told me it will take 24hrs and my husband will be back to me i did every thing he told me to do and the next day my husband came back kneeling and begging he canceled the divorce we are now happy together Priest Ade can help you too Email him at ancientspiritspellcast@yahoo.com or ancientspiritspellcast@gmail.com WhatsApp +2347059715465

      Delete
    3. I don't usually leave comments on the internet but its so unfortunate and alarming how fake hackers come on here and take money for doing nothing, i know this because I've been scammed by them twice. So i got to find out about an ethical hacker who belongs to an elite hacker group known worldwide. I got to know about him from a friend when i needed help getting into my cheating wife's phone when we were having issues with our marriage that almost led to a messy divorce. This hacker helped me when no one could, he helped my lawyer during our divorce by providing damning evidences, his charges are very affordable too. So i implore anyone reading this post to contact (BIRDEYE.HACK@GMAIL.COM) or (224) 245-5788 only when trying to hire a hacker. He's the absolute best and does all his works without traces.....!

      Delete
    4. I'm so so excited! Thanks to LORD JUMA for bringing back my Husband and brought great joy to my family! MERCIFUL SOLUTION HOME is certainly the best spell caster online,if you need your Ex lover back fast!and his result is 100% guarantee.. After 12 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that LORD JUMA can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 48 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, and started asking for forgiveness, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back a day after,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to LORD JUMA. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that LORD JUMA real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here's his contact: Email him at: mercyfullsolutionhome@yahoo.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: @ +1 (859)-203-2241 his page https://mercyfullsolutionhome.blogspot.com or https://oliviaemily1.blogspot.com







      I'm so so excited! Thanks to LORD JUMA for bringing back my Husband and brought great joy to my family! MERCIFUL SOLUTION HOME is certainly the best spell caster online,if you need your Ex lover back fast!and his result is 100% guarantee.. After 12 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that LORD JUMA can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 48 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, and started asking for forgiveness, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back a day after,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to LORD JUMA. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that LORD JUMA real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here's his contact: Email him at: mercyfullsolutionhome@yahoo.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: @ +1 (859)-203-2241 his page https://mercyfullsolutionhome.blogspot.com or https://oliviaemily1.blogspot.com

      Delete
  2. i agree wholeheartedly with everything you mentioned in your post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Nadene! It's definitely a touchy topic! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs...

      Delete
  3. Blessings...
    Yes it's emotional and physchological abuse

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For sure, I'm totally with you! Always love seeing you! Hugs...

      Delete
  4. Thank you for sharing this information.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I never thought about cheating like that but yes totally is

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's definitely a different perspective that makes you scratch your head. Hugs...

      Delete
  6. It's a breakdown of trust, lack of respect, dishonest, and unnecessary in this day and age when separation and divorce are not legally or socially the same as even a hundred years ago. I never thought of it as abuse, but yes, it does abuse a commitment and a person so, it is.

    Thanks, Ro!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Those are some great points, and you're right on target, Sophia. No stigma attached to divorce like it used to be, so get out of the relationship instead of not honoring the marital vows. Hugs,,,

      Delete
  7. I've been around abused women before and seen what their spouses did to them. I can understand how cheating could figure right into that and it makes sense.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's crazy for sure, Mary! Like Sophia said, just get a divorce instead of taking someone through this. Hugs...

      Delete
  8. Sorry you weren't feeling well:(
    I think your posts are so important, Ro. You fill a much needed niche. Folks in an abusive situation need all the support they can get.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PS. Thanks for the shout out:)

      Delete
    2. I was sick, sick, sick, and really got behind on a ton of stuff, Sandra. I was supposed to meet Anna from Herding Cats (we hang out when we can), and totally stood her up! lol The abuse and cheating really get me angry. What really frustrates me are family members and friends who get mad at me for talking about it. Very sad that so many people still blame the victim. You and Anna noticed I wasn't around, which I thought was super cool. I hope you have a Wonderful Wednesday! Hugs...

      Delete
    3. Glad you are on the mend!
      That is amazing that you get to hang out with a blog bud.
      I need to check out Anna's Herding Cats cyber place.
      YOU have a wonderful Wednesday too.
      Hugs back,

      Delete
  9. This is such a great post. I completely agree with you and I think it's great that you're taking the time out to talk about it. I'll have to check out ChumpLady.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Kristin, and thanks for stopping by. If you checked out Chump lady, I'm sure you were pretty amazed at the volume of her comments, huh? She also has a great way of making you feel better with humor and knowledge. Hugs...

      Delete
  10. That is a really good point. People tend to stay with people who abuse them in a variety of ways. I don't know why...maybe they feel like they can change them?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a sad topic, and yes, I think you're right. We can have tendencies to make us believe that we can change a person, but that is so far from the truth. Again, as you've mentioned previously, a narcissist has no conscious about doing something to hurt someone else, and will continue to do so. There is no changing that type of psychologically damaged person, in my opinion. Hope all is well!

      Delete
  11. I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until i met this special spell caster when i went to Africa to Execute some business. He is really powerful. My husband divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have him back cos i really love him so much but all my effort did not work out, we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and he woke up one morning and he told me he’s going on a divorce, i thought it was a joke and when he came back from work he tender to me a divorce letter and he packed all his belonging from my house and left. i ran mad and i tried all i could to have him back but all did not work out. I was lonely for almost 4 year, So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for his full name and his picture. I gave him that. At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos i have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution, so when he finished with the readings, he got back to me that he’s with a woman and that woman is the reason why he left me, The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring him back, but i never believe all this he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days. 3 days later, he called me himself and came to me apologizing and he told me he will come back to me. I can't believe this, it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no solution. The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and i got pregnant a month later, we are now happy been together again and with lovely kid. This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him, he has helped many of my friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him. This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster i have ever experienced in life. Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out.. you can reach him here: drosebuluspellhome@gmail.com CONTACT THIS POWERFUL SPELL CASTER TODAY VIA EMAIL: drosebuluspellhome@gmail.com or on +2348083221034

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hello my name is Lauren i'm from USA i want to testify of a great and powerful spell caster my husband left me and the kids for 2 weeks when i called him he didn't pick up when he came back home the 3rd week he told me he wanted a divorce i was so sad i cried all night he left again i was so lonely the next day i was searching for something online when i found a spell caster called Priest Ade who have helped so many people with their problems so i contacted him with my problems he told me it will take 24hrs and my husband will be back to me i did every thing he told me to do and the next day my husband came back kneeling and begging he canceled the divorce we are now happy together Priest Ade can help you too Email him at ancientspiritspellcast@yahoo.com or ancientspiritspellcast@gmail.com WhatsApp +2347059715465

    ReplyDelete
  13. I’m from United States, My husband divorced me 3 years ago for no reason, i did all i could to get him but didn't work, until i met Dr.Agbazara of AGBAZARA TEMPLE on the internet who helped me to cast a re-union spell and within 24hours my husband came back to me apologizing. Thanks to Dr.agbazara. Contact this great spell caster on your relationship or marriage problems on:
    ( agbazara@gmail.com ) OR WHATSAPP: +2348104102662.

    ReplyDelete
  14. it has not been easy though passing through pains from my spouse cause i have always known that my spouse is a big time cheat but i wasn't that sure but i see things that tells he has been cheating on me so i went online then i found this hacker named jeajamhacker@gmail.com who helped me hack into my spouse cell phone and brought me results of his whats-app messages,call logs, text messages,Facebook,deleted text messages and many more and i found out the truth about him thanks to jeajamhacker for helping me he is cheap and affordable thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  15. i have always wanted to know what my spouse has always been up-to cause his character towards me had changed he treats me like am nobody then i knew something was wrong so i went online and i contacted a hacker named jeajamhacker @ gmail. com who helped me hack into my spouse cell and this hacker gave me time on when the hack would be ready..when the results came out i found out that my spouse has been seeing another woman and i also got to read there text messages, whats-app, deleted text messages and many more right in there chat my spouse was already making plains to move in with his new wife i was so in pains seeing all but i just have to carry my cross and move on i also want to THANK this great hacker for making this possible for me before my spouse takes his action am so grateful jeajamhacker@ gmail. com GOD BLESS YOU

    ReplyDelete
  16. If you need to hack into any database, delete record, improve credit score, spy on whatsapp, text, phone, emails, as long as it's hack contact jeajamhacker @ gmail. com he is great, you won't be disappointed, cheap and fast, he saved my relationship

    ReplyDelete
  17. Do you require the services of a hacker for your ethical/unethical hacks? or feel the need to spy on employees,spouse or kids,change school grades,etc ..contact jeajamhacker @ gmail. com, he’s time conscious and reliable..check him out and you won’t be disappointed..serious enquirers only jeajamhacker @ gmail. com

    ReplyDelete
  18. My husband and i got Married last year and we have been living happily for a while. We used to be free with everything and never kept any secret from each other until recently everything changed when he got a new Job in NewYork 2 months ago.He has been avoiding my calls and told me he is working,i got suspicious when i saw a comment of a woman on his Facebook Picture and the way he replied her. I asked my husband about it and he told me that she is co-worker in his organization,We had a big argument and he has not been picking my calls,this went on for long until one day i decided to notify my friend about this and that was how she introduced me to Mr James(Worldcyberhackers@gmail.com) a Private Investigator  who helped her when she was having issues with her Husband. I never believed he could do it but until i gave him my husbands Mobile phone number. He proved to me by hacking into my husbands phone. where i found so many evidence and  proof in his Text messages, Emails and pictures that my husband has an affairs with another woman.i have sent all the evidence to our lawyer.I just want to thank Mr James for helping me because i have all the evidence against my Husband  in court.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Every woman deserves respect from her man. My ex husband was always coming home late, making calls in private and denying me the privileges of a wife. So i had to hire this professional hacker who hacked into his Facebook, Whatsapp, Text messages, Email, Snapchat, IG, BBM, Call logs, deleted messages, Browser history, GPS location and also track his car remotely. All thanks to (hotapphack@ gmail .com with text number or Call : +1 347 899 3017 and WhatsApp : +1 267 526 5346 ). I was really heart broken when i saw his dirty talks with other women he was sleeping with. To all those who suspect their spouse of cheating, you can find out. You all should contact HOTAPPHACK@ GMAIL . COM, He also changes school grades . Tell him I referred you. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I know a real professional hacker who has worked for me once in this past month. He is very good at hacking. He offers legit services such as clearing of bad records online without it being traced backed to you, he clone phones, hacks facebook, instagram, whatsapp, emails, twitter, bank accounts, skype, FIXES CREDIT REPORTS, tracks calls. He also helps to retrieve accounts that have been taken by hackers. His charges are affordable, reliable and 100% safe. Contact him via address below.
    E-mail..brianhackwizard@gmail.com
    Text no..+1(571)286-5929
    Whatsapp..+1(628)203-5734

    ReplyDelete
  21. Women are usually very quick to forgive cheating from what I can tell. Most men wouldn't tolerate it, even once. Ironically ones doing it themselves.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I'm so so excited! Thanks to LORD JUMA for bringing back my Husband and brought great joy to my family! MERCIFUL SOLUTION HOME is certainly the best spell caster online,if you need your Ex lover back fast!and his result is 100% guarantee.. After 12 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that LORD JUMA can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 48 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, and started asking for forgiveness, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back a day after,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to LORD JUMA. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that LORD JUMA real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here's his contact: Email him at: mercyfullsolutionhome@yahoo.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: @ +1 (859)-203-2241 his page https://mercyfullsolutionhome.blogspot.com or https://oliviaemily1.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  23. If you are trying to catch your cheating spouse, I recommend that you contact the hacker that helped me monitor my husband’s phone when I was gathering evidence during the divorce. I got virtually every information he has been hiding over the months easily on my own phone: the spy app diverted all his whatsapp, calls, text, facebook, text messages, sent and received through the phone: I also got his phone calls and deleted messages. he could not believe his eyes when he saw the evidence because he had no idea he was hacked.. if you need any type of hack you can contact him. Contact: computerworld3017@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  24. I Want to tell the world about a great man called Dr.Agbazara of AGBAZARA TEMPLE for bringing joy into my marriage after 2years of divorce from my husband and my 4kids, i have don everything to bring them back to my life because i love them so much so a friend introduced me to a spell caster last month who did every thing spiritually and bring them back within 48hours, now we are together and happy even more than we where before. You can contact this great spell caster to solve your own relationship problems via email like i did on: ( agbazara@gmail.com )

    ReplyDelete

We love comments, feedback and YOU! Hugs...