Monday, June 26, 2017

CHEATING IS PART OF DOMESTIC ABUSE



Nothing like getting sick in the heat of the summer, but I'm back with a re-write of one of my most controversial posts.  

Thanks Anna Cade from www.herdingcats-burningsoup.com and Sandra Cox at http://sandracox.blogspot.com !

In addition to getting yucky feedback from strangers when it comes to topics of abuse, friends and family avidly debate with me about my views. Uh...ok.



Did you know that cheating is also considered domestic abuse? This is because psychologists believe the pattern of abusers and cheaters can be very similar. Both groups try to justify their behavior, deny their actions, or otherwise refuse to take responsibility. The betraying partner may originally feel some short-term remorse, but really shows no concern about their partner’s feelings, therefore minimizing the behavior. Also, those who refuse to admit to the cheating, telling friends when they are questioned about their partner being delusional or crazy literally makes the situation worse.  This causes feelings of hurt, loss of self-esteem, and emotional trauma to the victim.If you review my other post - Gaslighting, this provides additional information about these specific abusive tactics and how to recognize them.



If this is happening in your world, it is NOT your fault and you are NOT alone!  I visited a Blog months ago that has become my new best friend, and it's called: www.chumplady.com . In a word - WOW! This site has its pulse on cheating and everything associated with it.  In addition, her readers are REAL people sharing pain, anger, feelings of remorse and even a few smiles.  If you feel as if you're all alone, and that no one feels your pain, visit her site when you can.Words of Wisdom - her blog is busy and there are a ton of comments, but you WILL get support.


Sadly, abuse runs rampant in today's society. Many have grown to accept verbal degradation or cheating by minimizing it, laughing about it or pretending it doesn't exist. In addition, seeing someone with a black eye or a broken arm/leg may cause someone to whisper, but nothing is ever really done about it. Living with someone who gradually changes into a person you no longer know is tragic. While cheating displays no blatant visible signs, the emotional degradation  is mindblowing. Neighbors talk, and family tries to shield you from what's really going on behind your back. Domestic abuse in any form is very real, demeaning, harmful and potentially dangerous to  you or someone you love. Please don't ignore it.


I've heard all kinds of reasons of why people ignore monogamy while married, but no excuse is valid to me. I have zero tolerance for cheating.  I read a lot and watch a ton of movies, but if either hints at a situation where someone who is married is cheating, that movie is turned off, and the book gets tossed aside.  I see it as a total betrayal to the marital vows, and lose all respect for that person.  These rigid beliefs can sometimes cause problems, and I've lost friends.  These are people I can no longer trust to be honest.





That being said, despite the anger, or embarrassment, or hurt, it may not be that easy to leave, and this is what people on the outside may not understand. on the surface, we get really frustrated with our friend's situation. Some may want to work things out, others pack up and leave immediately, and a few kick their spouse out.  Whatever your decision - it's yours to make. 

We can offer words of encouragement and be there when needed.  This includes lifting a person up and not judging.Sometimes a person doesn't want advice, and only wants you to listen. Be that good friend.  Support is key.






27 comments:

  1. I never thought about the similarities between cheating and abuse before. Interesting, and it makes sense. I'm not sure I would completely conflate or equate the two; I suspect some people cheat but take great care that the spouse/partner doesn't find out because they don't want to "hurt" them (and don't understand that even if the partner never finds out, the relationship is still harmed.) That's not necessarily abuse. But serial cheaters who are found out, apologize, and do it again? That's scarily similar to emotional abuse, and has a similar effect on the partner. And no doubt many of them also employ other forms of emotional abuse; some throw physical abuse into the mix as well.

    Like you, I have zero tolerance for cheating, even in books and movies. Well - almost zero tolerance. There are a few books/movies where it has occurred and I have understood why, though I didn't and don't condone it. But usually my reaction is like yours, and I'll stop reading a book where a married person is cheating, unless the cheating is clearly shown to be wrong, and the MC doesn't tolerate it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey There Lark and Happy 6th Blogoversary! So proud of everything you've achieved. You're right, serial cheaters are frequently narcissists who don't care about hurting other people and have a sense of entitlement. It's always great to see other viewpoints. BIG Hugs...Ro

      Delete
    2. Hello my name is Lauren i'm from USA i want to testify of a great and powerful spell caster my husband left me and the kids for 2 weeks when i called him he didn't pick up when he came back home the 3rd week he told me he wanted a divorce i was so sad i cried all night he left again i was so lonely the next day i was searching for something online when i found a spell caster called Priest Ade who have helped so many people with their problems so i contacted him with my problems he told me it will take 24hrs and my husband will be back to me i did every thing he told me to do and the next day my husband came back kneeling and begging he canceled the divorce we are now happy together Priest Ade can help you too Email him at ancientspiritspellcast@yahoo.com or ancientspiritspellcast@gmail.com WhatsApp +2347059715465

      Delete
  2. i agree wholeheartedly with everything you mentioned in your post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Nadene! It's definitely a touchy topic! Thanks for stopping by! Hugs...

      Delete
  3. Blessings...
    Yes it's emotional and physchological abuse

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For sure, I'm totally with you! Always love seeing you! Hugs...

      Delete
  4. Thank you for sharing this information.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I never thought about cheating like that but yes totally is

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's definitely a different perspective that makes you scratch your head. Hugs...

      Delete
  6. It's a breakdown of trust, lack of respect, dishonest, and unnecessary in this day and age when separation and divorce are not legally or socially the same as even a hundred years ago. I never thought of it as abuse, but yes, it does abuse a commitment and a person so, it is.

    Thanks, Ro!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Those are some great points, and you're right on target, Sophia. No stigma attached to divorce like it used to be, so get out of the relationship instead of not honoring the marital vows. Hugs,,,

      Delete
  7. I've been around abused women before and seen what their spouses did to them. I can understand how cheating could figure right into that and it makes sense.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's crazy for sure, Mary! Like Sophia said, just get a divorce instead of taking someone through this. Hugs...

      Delete
  8. Sorry you weren't feeling well:(
    I think your posts are so important, Ro. You fill a much needed niche. Folks in an abusive situation need all the support they can get.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PS. Thanks for the shout out:)

      Delete
    2. I was sick, sick, sick, and really got behind on a ton of stuff, Sandra. I was supposed to meet Anna from Herding Cats (we hang out when we can), and totally stood her up! lol The abuse and cheating really get me angry. What really frustrates me are family members and friends who get mad at me for talking about it. Very sad that so many people still blame the victim. You and Anna noticed I wasn't around, which I thought was super cool. I hope you have a Wonderful Wednesday! Hugs...

      Delete
    3. Glad you are on the mend!
      That is amazing that you get to hang out with a blog bud.
      I need to check out Anna's Herding Cats cyber place.
      YOU have a wonderful Wednesday too.
      Hugs back,

      Delete
  9. This is such a great post. I completely agree with you and I think it's great that you're taking the time out to talk about it. I'll have to check out ChumpLady.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Kristin, and thanks for stopping by. If you checked out Chump lady, I'm sure you were pretty amazed at the volume of her comments, huh? She also has a great way of making you feel better with humor and knowledge. Hugs...

      Delete
  10. That is a really good point. People tend to stay with people who abuse them in a variety of ways. I don't know why...maybe they feel like they can change them?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a sad topic, and yes, I think you're right. We can have tendencies to make us believe that we can change a person, but that is so far from the truth. Again, as you've mentioned previously, a narcissist has no conscious about doing something to hurt someone else, and will continue to do so. There is no changing that type of psychologically damaged person, in my opinion. Hope all is well!

      Delete
  11. I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until i met this special spell caster when i went to Africa to Execute some business. He is really powerful. My husband divorce me with no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have him back cos i really love him so much but all my effort did not work out, we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and he woke up one morning and he told me he’s going on a divorce, i thought it was a joke and when he came back from work he tender to me a divorce letter and he packed all his belonging from my house and left. i ran mad and i tried all i could to have him back but all did not work out. I was lonely for almost 4 year, So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for his full name and his picture. I gave him that. At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos i have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution, so when he finished with the readings, he got back to me that he’s with a woman and that woman is the reason why he left me, The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring him back, but i never believe all this he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days. 3 days later, he called me himself and came to me apologizing and he told me he will come back to me. I can't believe this, it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no solution. The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and i got pregnant a month later, we are now happy been together again and with lovely kid. This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him, he has helped many of my friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him. This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster i have ever experienced in life. Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out.. you can reach him here: drosebuluspellhome@gmail.com CONTACT THIS POWERFUL SPELL CASTER TODAY VIA EMAIL: drosebuluspellhome@gmail.com or on +2348083221034

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hello my name is Lauren i'm from USA i want to testify of a great and powerful spell caster my husband left me and the kids for 2 weeks when i called him he didn't pick up when he came back home the 3rd week he told me he wanted a divorce i was so sad i cried all night he left again i was so lonely the next day i was searching for something online when i found a spell caster called Priest Ade who have helped so many people with their problems so i contacted him with my problems he told me it will take 24hrs and my husband will be back to me i did every thing he told me to do and the next day my husband came back kneeling and begging he canceled the divorce we are now happy together Priest Ade can help you too Email him at ancientspiritspellcast@yahoo.com or ancientspiritspellcast@gmail.com WhatsApp +2347059715465

    ReplyDelete
  13. I’m from United States, My husband divorced me 3 years ago for no reason, i did all i could to get him but didn't work, until i met Dr.Agbazara of AGBAZARA TEMPLE on the internet who helped me to cast a re-union spell and within 24hours my husband came back to me apologizing. Thanks to Dr.agbazara. Contact this great spell caster on your relationship or marriage problems on:
    ( agbazara@gmail.com ) OR WHATSAPP: +2348104102662.

    ReplyDelete

We love comments, feedback and YOU! Hugs...