Friday, July 3, 2015

CHEATING IS PART OF DOMESTIC ABUSE

Did you know that cheating is also considered domestic abuse? This is because psychologists believe the pattern of abusers and cheaters can be very similar. Both groups try to justify their behavior, deny their actions, or otherwise refuse to take responsibility. The betraying partner may originally feel some short-term remorse, but really shows no concern about their partner’s feelings, therefore minimizing the behavior. Also, those who refuse to admit to the cheating, telling victims when they are questioned that their partner is delusional or crazy literally makes the situation worse.  This causes feelings of hurt, loss of self-esteem, and emotional trauma to the victim.If you review my other post - Gaslighting, this provides additional information about these specific abusive tactics and how to recognize them.


If this is happening in your world, it is NOT your fault and you are NOT alone!  I visited a Blog months ago that has become my new best friend. It's called:  www.chumplady.com .  In a word - WOW!  This site has its pulse on cheating and everything associated with it.  In addition, her readers are REAL people sharing pain, anger, feelings of remorse and even smiles.  If you feel as if you're all alone, and that no one feels your pain, visit her site when you can!

Sadly, abuse runs rampant in today's society. Many have grown to accept verbal degradation or cheating by minimizing it, laughing about it or pretending it doesn't exist. In addition, seeing someone with a black eye or a broken arm/leg may cause someone to whisper, but nothing is ever really done about it. Living with someone who gradually changes into a person who is no longer the person you knew is tragic. While cheating displays no blatant visible signs, the emotional degradation  is mindblowing. Domestic Abuse in any form is very real, demeaning, harmful and potentially dangerous to  you or someone you love. Please don't ignore it.

Unfortunately, for me, I have zero tolerance for cheating.  I read a lot and watch a lot of movies, but if either hints at a situation where someone who is married is cheating, that movie is done and the book gets tossed aside.  I see it as a betrayal to the marital vows, and view abuse as cruelty.

We can offer words of encouragement and be there when needed to those who are suffering..  We also hope that victims or survivors continue to grow by becoming part of a group if it is safe to do so.


Big Hugs for your strength!



3 comments:

  1. I never thought about the similarities between cheating and abuse before. Interesting, and it makes sense. I'm not sure I would completely conflate or equate the two; I suspect some people cheat but take great care that the spouse/partner doesn't find out because they don't want to "hurt" them (and don't understand that even if the partner never finds out, the relationship is still harmed.) That's not necessarily abuse. But serial cheaters who are found out, apologize, and do it again? That's scarily similar to emotional abuse, and has a similar effect on the partner. And no doubt many of them also employ other forms of emotional abuse; some throw physical abuse into the mix as well.

    Like you, I have zero tolerance for cheating, even in books and movies. Well - almost zero tolerance. There are a few books/movies where it has occurred and I have understood why, though I didn't and don't condone it. But usually my reaction is like yours, and I'll stop reading a book where a married person is cheating, unless the cheating is clearly shown to be wrong, and the MC doesn't tolerate it.

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    1. Hey There Lark and Happy 6th Blogoversary! So proud of everything you've achieved. You're right, serial cheaters are frequently narcissists who don't care about hurting other people and have a sense of entitlement. It's always great to see other viewpoints. BIG Hugs...Ro

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