CONTROL & POWER

While in the abusive situation, it's very hard to see a particular pattern of behavior-but there is one.  This pattern is used by the abuser to initiate and maintain control.  Most people are aware of the physical abuse, which may be easily seen by others, but it is also paired with other types of abuse that  may not be as easily recognized and include:

INTIMIDATION - This tactic is used to make someone afraid with angry looks, behavior and gestures.  Perhaps things are thrown, doors kicked in, weapons are brandished, or the destruction of personal property.

PRIVILEGE - Treating you like a servant in your own home, acting as master of the home and not including you in major decisions.  Antagonistically defining roles of men and women.

ECONOMIC ABUSE - Unable to have your own money, or making you have to ask for money.  Keeping financial information secret, or stopping you from getting a job.

MINIMIZING, BLAMING AND DENYING - Frequently hurting you emotionally, then saying it's no big deal.  Not taking concerns seriously and denying the abuse ever occurred.  Making statements such as "you made me yell, you made me hit you, you did it to yourself", refusing to take accountability and frequent lies to or about you.

As difficult as it is to remember this right now, YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT.  No one deserves this type of physical or mental anguish, and Love Should Never Hurt.  When you can, and it's safe, seek help from a shelter, pastor, or someone you trust. There's still time to start your life over and to be loved for the wonderful person you are.