GASLIGHTING - DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR?

This is a repost because I continue to run into people who go through this particular experience, which is very unpleasant.

Have you ever fallen in love with someone who made you question your own sanity?  Have you caught your significant other in a compromising position, yet you somehow ended up being the one who is guilty?  Have friends you've had for years suddenly stopped calling because they've been told you're "crazy" or a "psycho bitch"?  You're not alone, and NO, nothing is mentally wrong with you. But you are in an emotionally abusive relationship.  

If you've ever seen the black and white classic movie Gas Light from 1944, you may remember how Charles Boyer did everything he could to make his wife Ingrid Bergman go insane in an attempt to gain her money.  

I watched this movie and was horrified at the things he did. The technical term for gas lighting is someone who repeatedly tricks a person into questioning his or her memory or perception of events with the use of lies, omissions of the actual facts, or falsehoods. 

Your husband told you he would be home to pick you up for dinner, yet when he arrives late, he said he told you he had to work late and you must have misheard him.

You know you heard your lover in the background with another woman in your home while you were on the phone, but you're accused of being delusional.  You're emphatic that you left $35.00 on the bed stand, and now it's mysteriously missing.  Your best friend took a picture of your man driving around town with another woman, but he'll tell you it's his cousin whom you've never heard of. With your own eyes, you've seen another woman walking across the street to get into his truck or car, but he denies your claims. 

Right in front of you he texts at certain periods of the day, and when caught, he yells that you're a nag, then tells you "that's not what I was doing". If you tell his family how he's been acting, no one believes it.  These are some of the stories I hear about all the time.

 

Meanwhile, he tells anyone who will listen that something is wrong with you.  The close friendships you had are now over.  

That's the gist of being emotionally abused. It's a covert tactic to control and manipulate the victim, who just happens to be you. It's difficult to see, so it may be very hard to prove. 

In my opinion, a man who does this has no balls, and it makes me angry.  Instead of being truthful, he gets joy from making you think that you're imagining things. You're put down, degraded, called names, and yelled at for no reason.  Normal conversations are very rare. 

Sharing your own feelings are nonexistent. Nothing you say or do is right.  If something goes wrong in life, you get blamed. When he loses his car keys, it's all your fault. Maybe you've gained weight from the stress, and told that no one will want you anyway. You should be lucky he's even around. There are days the tears are endless, hoping he will treat you with the dignity or respect you deserve. You just want to be loved unconditionally. Sadly, you feel alone. 

Living like this can be a nightmare, but all is not lost.  Some women reach their breaking point and just walk away.  But the thought of having no money or a place to live can be frightening. The fear of what people may think  makes you want to curl into a ball of despair.

Starting today, look in the mirror and believe that you are beautiful and strong because you are.  Keep telling yourself that you deserve to be happy every day. Think about all the things you used to do.

Then document, document, document!  Keep dates, places, situations and names if you can. Be specific. Use a Planner, notebook or a diary.  Even better, send emails to yourself or a family member, and make sure your password is protected. Not only will this make you feel better, but you'll also have a detailed record for legal reasons.

If you have access to cash, send yourself a Moneygram or Western Union. You are the only person who can ever gain access to those funds. Walk around the block to clear your mind every day. Even if it's just for 5 minutes. Look in the mirror to remind yourself how beautiful you are.  Try to make a safety plan.  If you are unable to speak with a pastor or close friend you can trust who supports you, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 

They are experts in all phases, and will provide shelter to those in need. They also have a Chat Line. There are also local places to contact wherever you live.

It's 2018, yet there are literally thousands of people who minimize this type of abuse or think that it's okay. "Words will never hurt me" is a lie. In fact, I hear that "it's not that serious" all the time.  Verbal abuse is still considered a part of domestic violence.  It is what it is.

You deserve the joy that life has to offer. It doesn't matter if you're 18 or 80!

Remember, 2018 is your year to start over!