CHEATING IS PART OF DOMESTIC ABUSE

It's a new year, and many of us are focusing on new things.  Maybe you're ready to make the most important decision of your life that can affect financial stability.  Perhaps your friends don't agree with what you're about to do regarding your relationship.

In addition to getting less than positive feedback from strangers when it comes to topics of abuse, friends and family avidly debate with me about my views. But I can't stop speaking my truth.

Did you know that cheating is also considered domestic abuse? This is because psychologists believe the pattern of abusers and cheaters can be very similar. Both groups try to justify their behavior, deny their actions, or otherwise refuse to take responsibility. The betraying partner may originally feel some short-term remorse, but really shows no concern about their partner’s feelings, therefore minimizing the behavior. Also, those who refuse to admit to the cheating, telling friends when they are questioned about their partner being delusional or crazy literally makes the situation worse.  This causes feelings of hurt, loss of self-esteem, and emotional trauma to the victim.If you review my other post - Gaslighting, this provides additional information about these specific abusive tactics and how to recognize them.

If this is happening in your world, it is NOT your fault and you are NOT alone!  I visited a Blog months ago that has become my new best friend, and it's called: www.chumplady.com . In a word - WOW! This site has its pulse on cheating and everything associated with it.  In addition, her readers are REAL people sharing pain, anger, feelings of remorse and even a few smiles.  If you feel as if you're all alone, and that no one feels your pain, visit her site when you can.Words of Wisdom - her blog is busy and there are a ton of comments, but you WILL get support.

Sadly, abuse runs rampant in today's society. Many have grown to accept verbal degradation or cheating by minimizing it, laughing about it or pretending it doesn't exist. In addition, seeing someone with a black eye or a broken arm/leg may cause someone to whisper, but nothing is ever really done about it. Living with someone who gradually changes into a person you no longer know is tragic. While cheating displays no blatant visible signs, the emotional degradation  is mindblowing. Neighbors talk, and family tries to shield you from what's really going on behind your back. Domestic abuse in any form is very real, demeaning, harmful and potentially dangerous to  you or someone you love. Please don't ignore it.

I've heard all kinds of reasons of why people ignore monogamy while married, but no excuse is valid to me. I have zero tolerance for cheating.  I read a lot and watch a ton of movies, but if either hints at a situation where someone who is married is cheating, that movie is turned off, and the book gets tossed aside.  I see it as a total betrayal to the marital vows, and lose all respect for that person.  These rigid beliefs can sometimes cause problems, and I've lost friends.  These are people I can no longer trust to be honest.

That being said, despite the anger, or embarrassment, or hurt, it may not be that easy to leave, and this is what people on the outside may not understand. On the surface, we get really frustrated with our friend's situation. Some may want to work things out, others pack up and leave immediately, and a few kick their spouse out.  Whatever the decision - it's yours to make. https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/benefits-of-online-couple-counseling/ 

We can offer words of encouragement and be there when needed.  This includes lifting a person up and not judging.Sometimes a person doesn't want advice, and only wants you to listen. Be that good friend.  Support is key.

By the way, if you're hurting, or feel that you're suffering from depression, there are lots of articles to read through. Even better, you also have the opportunity to speak with professional licenced therapists who are ready to listen and offer support.
https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/depression/