Someone you know is being emotionally, financially or physically harmed. That person lives next door, works at the local grocery store, or you've passed her on the street. That person is crying inside.
There is nothing worse than living your life in fear, or wondering when the next slap or degrading comment will occur. I
When it comes to emotional abuse, friends and family struggle with the danger involved because there are no visible bruises. In fact, many believe that abusers prey only on the weak, but the reality is that they seek out those who are attractive and exhibit confidence, yet may be going through a bad time, making the potential victim more vulnerable.
Emotional abusers display the "charm syndrome" to get their way using the sheer force of their charismatic personalities to manipulate someone. This trait is why many people are usually so surprised to find out the truth. Your friends and family think he's so amazing.
Even worse, when the abuser switches from charm to anger, it's confusing because he/she isn't that way all of the time. Because of the lies being told to others, and the ability to convince you that you're at fault, doubts about what's going on become the norm, making you question your own judgement. This creates a vicious cycle, making it even more difficult to leave. Then there is the fear.
Meanwhile, you walk around wondering if the house is clean enough or your dress is perfect. Will he find something wrong with that meal it took all day to prepare? So what if you've gained weight? Almost everything about life is no longer really your own, while you consider what you can do to not say or do the wrong thing to trigger an abusive reaction. Your emotions have been affected and your self esteem is now zero. That's no way to live.
Emotional abuse is absolutely considered domestic violence, and includes being
cheated on or lied about, gaslighting, being degraded publicly or privately, having funds withheld or being threatened. If there's no one you trust, contact a domestic violence shelter which has people available 24 hours a day to offer assistance and/or counseling. Or perhaps a pastor can assist.
What amazes me is when my own friends tell me that I'm making too much of this topic. I've even heard that some women "deserve" to be mistreated, or "these women must like it because they stay."
Some stay because they're afraid of being homeless, others because they're embarrassed and ashamed. A few believe there is nothing better for them out there. There many reasons we can't always know or understand.
No one deserves to be belittled, called names and humiliated. There's no need to make excuses any longer for someone who's supposed to be in love with you. The thing about walking on eggshells is that do eventually crack.
Please seek help for you and your family, when you feel that you can do so safely. Save and really hide your money or send it to yourself via moneygram or western union. Write down everything that happens during your day, and keep those notes well hidden too. Protect yourself.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is: 800-799-7233
If you live in Wake County, NC Call InterAct: 919-828-3005
If you live in Harnett County, NC Call Safe: 910-893-7233
Or call a place in the state you live, please.
Someone is available at these numbers 24 hours a day, and they are available to offer support and guidance.
There are many different forms of abuse...emotional abuse can be a tough one. Often someone doesn't realize it's happening until it's too late.ReplyDelete
You are so right Stephanie. Many still don't understand about this. Hugs...RoDelete
Thank you for sharing this important information.ReplyDelete
Angela, I appreciate your support so very much! Hugs...Delete
I HEART this post so much Ro! Through every word you wrote I can FEEL how passionate you are about this and I think it's brilliant you're taking a stand and trying to help those who can't help themselves. People go though this everyday and it's such a shame (and rather creepy) how people have an on/off switch, being able to change their personalities like that at a drop of a dime. It's downright spooky!ReplyDelete
Let's just keep praying for them girl that the Lord show them the right way and get them out of their terrible situation! Great post as always Ro! ♡ Do you have Twitter or Goodreads?
Hey Keionda, you're so wonderful! You've absolutely hit the nail on the head. Abusers have the ability to fool so many people that make it so difficult for victims to get the support needed. They often end up looking crazy or like the bad guy. You're right, it takes much faith and prayer. I have Twitter and Goodreads but haven't been on them for a while. (lol) We were just talking about this on one of my posts where a young person said only old people are on Facebook and that I'm supposed to be on Twitter. (lol) He's an adorable kid trying to guide me properly. lol!!!!!! Hugs....and thanks for your support and kudos!Delete
I've know a lot of assholes like this, and sadly most people even when confronted with the reality of who they really are turn their backs on the problem an ignore what's goin on. There should be a better support an living facility for people needing help. Talking to an abuser doesn't work, an they'll always try to force themselves back into your life. But that's neither here nor there, this is a great post Ro. <3ReplyDelete
Oh yes, you've hit the nail on this one Little Lanie. They do manage to come back, and are difficult to get rid of. Sadly, we all know people like this in life. BIG Hugs...Delete
I think the fact that the victim can often be a strong person to start with makes it even more difficult for them to try to find help, too. Because they are used to being able to take care of themselves and their problems on their own. And also since their confidence was usually never a problem, suddenly feeling lesser must make everything both confusing and scary.ReplyDelete
Thanks for sharing this awesome post!
Lexxie @ (un)Conventional Bookviews
That's a really good point, Lexxie and never thought of that. Makes total sense. Hugs right back!Delete
When I was receiving my abuse and neglect trainings, this was the hardest form of abuse to pinpoint and have clear observable evidence from our point of view because the marks aren't visible on the skin. I'm glad to see your article addressing it.ReplyDelete
You're so right, Sophia! People tend to not take it seriously, and the person being abused is so confused, making things worse. Thanks for your support! Hugs...Delete
This is a topic that can't get too much attention.ReplyDelete
Keep shining the light, Ro.
I wish I had a giant beacon like Batman uses Sandra. (lol) Hugs...Delete
RO, I disagree with those who say that you may be talking about his subject to much! I have already told you my story of being a physically and mentally abused wife for seven years with my first husband! This was back in the 1960's when help was not available and there weren't any shelters to go to. I couldn't leave because he threatened to kill me if I ever did. I most certainly never hung around because I thought that I deserved this kind of treatment. Then one day I was beaten so badly my eyes were swollen shut and I was bruised and battered and in horrific pain. Why did he beat me this time? I had bought a can of hairspray that you could use to add color to your hair. It as then I knew that he could kill me if I stayed or if I left him. I packed up my two children and left while he was at work.ReplyDelete
I am going to be 71 next month and I have been married for 46 years to a kind and gentle man with whom I had two more children.
My heart goes to abused women and men. There aren't any perfect answers nor any certaintys of what will happen. One thing for sure... abusiveness is still alive and well and should never be swept under the rug and forgotten 💕
I hate that you suffered like that, and you're right, in the 60's I know it had to be worse, and that people weren't talking or providing resources. I'm so glad you were able to get away from that nightmare, and to get a life you deserve. Thanks so much for the support! Hugs...Delete
Sorry about the errors in my comment above, my tablet has a mind of its own!!!ReplyDelete
No worries, Jan! Hugs...Delete
It's really sad to think people live with people like that.ReplyDelete
It's a horrible situation, but it really hurts me when people I know minimize it, you know? Hugs...Delete
Glad to see you posting on this topic and never mind those folks that think its too much. Most of us don't address it enough. :)ReplyDelete
Thanks so much Super Sophia! You're the best! Happy Saturday!Delete
No one certainly deserves abuse and humiliation, you are doing a great job of raising awareness and creating a platform for the vulnerable to seek help. Thank you and warm greetings.ReplyDelete
Totally agree. This is a horrible situation to be in. Thanks for the support! Hugs...Delete
How did I miss this post. It is a subject very dear to my heart. Here in Australia two women each week are killed by their ex partners, and the damage done to women and children (and more rarely men) is appalling. We need to get word out.ReplyDelete
You might like to visit a blogging friend of mine here . Her sister's ex husband murdered her, and then killed himself and Kim has been working tirelessly to ensure that other women are safe. Hugs.
I know we feel the same about this EC, and it saddens me to hear those stats in Australia. We can't be shy about abuse and unkindness, and I appreciate your support so very much. I'm going to go over to visit your friend, and thanks for sharing this. Hugs...Delete
I think we always tend to treat the closest in our lives the worst by nature, such as a child who pushes away their parents when they get older. As we get farther in a relationship we also seem to stop caring as much especially during the first months of dating.ReplyDelete
Daisy and I rarely ever have "fights", it's just one of us nags and the other person goes "okay,uh huh" about something we did or did not do.
My brother once dated a girl who started to slap him about five years into it. She was a nice and friendly person from most of my memory, but she eventually showed her crazy side.
But ironically that same brother put me through hell during most of our childhood, always trying to hit me or cause me misfortune. Like I once had to share a room with my mother. I slept on the bed while she slept on the couch but all of her stuff along with mine was in the room. She had managed to find a metal rack where I could keep my clothes organized. He would constantly come in the room, throw the clothes in the floor and walk away.
I agree Adam that we end up treating those close to us worse than we should, but as you realized, there's a difference when someone we love, or says he/she loves us starts to act with a sense of power, control and outright cruelty. I hate that you had to go through that treatment from your brother. Somehow, with the grace of God, you came through it, and are now this really phenomenal and cool guy, who treats your wife well. You also have such a funny sense of humor. We all nag a little, but that's part of a relationship I think. Hugs...Delete
A post that should be read by all of us. Very evocative, thought provoking. Thank you RO.ReplyDelete
Abuse is so rough to cope with, and I appreciate your support so much Denise! Hugs...RODelete
This post really hit home for me, how many women and adolescent girls that are in toxic relationships but might not consider they're a victim of domestic violence without the physical violence. Such wonderful advice. The one point I'd reiterate that women only keep private accounts or accounts of violence if safe to do so, often a violent partner demands control over all aspects of your life, so perhaps storing these items elsewhere. As RO mentioned, do not compromise your safety. These posts are wonderful RO, I feel such a sense of support <3 <3ReplyDelete
You're so right about that one. This definitely will cause a young person to grow up not understanding, and getting pulled into the wrong type of relationship. So sad that this type of manipulation happens and people around us ignore it. You're right on point with a great message - safety is so key, as we know anything can set an abuser off. You don't know how much I appreciate your words of wisdom and support. Hugs and Happy Saturday! RODelete
It's really sad that anyone lives with this happening to them.ReplyDelete
Very much so Marvelous Mary! Happy Freebie Friday! Hugs...RODelete
Thank you so much for sharing. Emotional abuse can be really tough to see, but it's so important. Plus, it's true that so many of the abusers are charming so people don't often see it or want to see it.ReplyDelete
It is rough and subtle, and before we know it, the control surrounds us. Abusers are clever, and have fooled so many people, meanwhile, they create havoc with their victims. Hugs...RODelete
Stay because they like it or deserve it? That's just sick and wrong, isn't it. I think fear of the unknown also plays a role in some folks not leaving an abusive situation. Yes, it's bad, but they know what they've got and where they are and they don't know what's waiting for them on their own or if they can make it. Kudos to the ones that have the strength and determination to get out.ReplyDelete
You're absolutely right Super Sandra. I think many are afraid of what the future may hold, and get held hostage in the bad situation. For anyone to think that someone likes being abused is just ludicrous to me! I agree, it takes lots of courage and strength to get out. Hugs...RODelete
Glad you re-posted this.ReplyDelete
All the best Jan
Thanks a bunch Jan! Happy Sunday to you! Hugs...RODelete
This is a really powerful piece. I've been in an emotional abuse situation twice. Once with a step dad and once with an ex boyfriend. I relate to so much of that. Hopefully more people will be able to stand strong and get out of the situations xx.ReplyDelete
Raindrops of Sapphire
I'm so sorry that you went through that, and glad that you were able to break free. It's a very rough situation for sure. Thanks so much for stopping by and your support! Hugs...and Happy Sunday! RODelete
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