Thursday, August 24, 2017

WHAT'S UP WITH WOMEN HITTING MEN IN ROMANCE NOVELS?


Yesterday,  Anna Cade from http://www.herdingcats-burningsoup.com/2017/02/things-I-hate-reading-in-romance.html#more  and I hung out at a couponing class and as usual, it was an adventure in funness.  But once we got serious for a minute, Anna schooled me on a recent trend in romance novels that I find alarming. We can probably think of plenty of scenarios that would make a woman angry, but what in the world would make it okay to resort to physical violence?


Without putting those authors on blast, Awesome Anna gave me at least six examples of authors who exhibited this content in a novel. What I found interesting is that the beta readers or editors let this type of behavior slip by without either noticing it, or giving it the green light.  Also, it's a crime.


Typically, I talk about domestic violence as it relates to women, because that's what people I know have experienced, but men are victims of domestic violence as well.  These numbers are from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

Statistically, 20 people are physically abused by an intimate partner in the US annually, which is the frightening equivalent of more than 10 million men and women!


Statistically, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men experience intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner sexual violence and/or stalking in their lifetime.


Statistically, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men experience severe physical partner violence in their lifetime.

Statistically, 1 in 7 women and 1 in 18 men have been stalked by an intimate partner have felt fearful or believed someone close to them would be hurt  or even killed due to stalking.

Statistically in the US, 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men have been raped.

For every 3 reported cases of abuse, 2 will be women and 1 will be male as of 2014/2015.


Let's be honest, there are men out there who are being emotionally and physically abused and will never bother to report it because they are embarrassed, feel that no one will believe them, or are fearful they'll be considered weak.  They certainly don't want to go to court to accuse their attackers or go into shelters, and no these men are NOT weak. 


But it's happening, and being punched, slapped or hit with frying pans shouldn't be glorified in books or on television.  Being verbally assaulted and degraded is not okay either. Abuse is abuse and is still abuse. It's not cute or funny, and my goodness, it certainly is NOT romantic! These men are suffering in ways we can never imagine, and society forces them to remain silent.




44 comments:

  1. Ro,thanks for this topic. When I watch movies or read a book where a woman slaps a man it digusts me. I have come to realise that not everyone feels the same way. Oftentimes they see it has a joke. My question what would be the reaction of the man decided to hit back? What you don't Abuse by any other name is still abuse. It matters not who the victim is.

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    1. I totally agree, and there's no need for it no matter how angry the character gets. It's definitely NOT funny either. You're right, some men are definitely going to lose it and hit back, and now we have TWO wrongs. You are so right. Abuse is what it is no matter who the victim is. Hugs...

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    1. Hey There Amazing Angela! Thanks a bunch! Happy Saturday! Hugs...

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  3. Alarming numbers RO, Thank you for this post because it is a great reminder to the many people out there who are being abused, and if only one finds the courage to step away from it...,

    I applaud you for bringing up a serious situation that is kept under wraps by abuser and victims alike and I agree that it is a crime to hit your partner, men are victims just the same as women, and male or female if you are being abused I pray you can find it in yourself to walk away from it, there are people who can help.

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    1. You are so right Jimmy, that the numbers are downright scary, yet people get away with this behavior every single day. It remains a silent crime and we're almost in 2018.

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  4. My brother had an ex that started to slap him at the end of the relationship. She's married now, but I doubt it will last forever. Like a hourglass, the time will eventually come

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    1. That's a sad situation Adam, and I'll bet your brother was shocked when it happened, bu thank goodness that relationship ended. Charles Lundy counsels abusers and believes that rarely do they change, unless they make some effort to go to counseling, and even then, it's iffy.

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  5. Kudos for spotlighting a situation that needs to be in the public eye.

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    1. Hey Super Sandra, it's out there and I believe largely underreported. Then again, domestic violence continues to be a silent crime. Hope your weekend is going well! Hugs...

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    2. Saw the Grands. Can't go wrong there:)

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    3. Now that sounds fun for sure! You can never go wrong with seeing family and grandbabies, specifically! Hugs...

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  6. Yes, I struggle with anyone who is verbally or physically abuse to anyone..man, woman or child. It is one thing to protect yourself and another thing entirely to hit someone for saying something you don't like. Thankfully, I rarely come across this in books I read, but I know from reviews that it exists.

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    1. We know that abuse is about the attempt to control someone, but like you, when a person has to throw a punch or degrading statement in an attempt to win an argument or get a point across, something is seriously wrong. I've been reading thrillers lately, so spies and assassins basically shoot each other in terrorist situations as you said as a way to protect themselves. Like you I haven't seen it in books, but I have seen it in movies unfortunately, and that's just too much. Hugs and happy weekend Kim!

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  7. As a victim of domestic abuse from my ex-husband, I don't want anyone to go through it, female or male. It's awful and hard to move past. These statistics are horrifying to know the abuse is this bad.

    I have a wonderful husband now, and he was so patient with me when we first together and helped me a lot.

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    1. Thank goodness you got out of that safely Jenea, and I'm so sorry you suffered in that nightmare. What a blessing to find a man who treats you well and loves you the way you deserve to be loved. I agree, these numbers are horrific, but because many people don't report it, I believe it's even worse. Hugs...

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  8. Yes. Abuse against woman and children is more common but men are also victims here. And face additional barriers in talking about it.
    All abuse/any abuse is so very wrong.

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    1. So true, and I know you already know these numbers and more EC. We know that the numbers show that more women are being hurt, but as you mentioned, the barriers make it rough for men to talk about, Still, domestic violence is a crime that still remains silent for both sexes, and that saddens me greatly. Hugs...

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  9. Great post Ro, abuse shouldn't be tolerated no matter who the victim is. Totally agree. How about we have books with no abuse? That would be nice, and hopefully editors/ beta readers/ authors will take steps in that direction.

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    1. I agree Greg. Why in the world don't we keep abuse out of romance novels entirely, and movies too. Does it even need to be in there? Perhaps more people would pay more attention to stopping it in real life. I just don't get it.

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  10. Great Post RO and I HATE when an author lets either of her main characters get away with it. Okay if I'm reading a novel and some rude SOB a villainous character is doing the smacking around that's fine but its not okay for woman to hit her man or a man to hit his woman EVER, it's like being okay to hit your kids. NO

    A while ago I was having trouble with so much unprotected sex in romance novels and I even got my editor at RT to let me ramp down a star for a couple using unprotected sex, not all unprotected sex is taboo but for the most part. DON"T DO IT!

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    1. I agree Debbie, it is not okay for people to go around smacking and hitting each other, and certainly not to a child. That's assault and a crime. Yes, yes, yes, you are so right - we are not sending the right message if we allow our hero and heroine to partake in unprotected sex. I mean for Pete's sake it's almost 2018! Hugs...

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  11. Oh yes, I've noticed it in some books I've read in the past. For some reason some authors seem to think that if a woman does it, it's okay. If this happened in a book where a man did it, there would be such an outcry. There's double standards for you.

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    1. I'm with you Deanna, because there would be an outcry, and definitely speaks to double standards. Domestic violence is wrong no matter the sex for sure. Thanks for stopping by on your vacation. Hugs...

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  12. Thank you, Ro. I rated down a book a whole star just two weeks ago for this because I won't tolerate it. No getting away with it even in fiction.

    I work with dads in my case loads that are abused and they are even less inclined to report it and are even more in denial than their female counterparts. Same sex couples seem to tolerate and hide it even worse for some reason.

    It all has to go.

    Again, thanks!

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    1. I just don't understand what would make anyone think it's okay, and to then share that crazy behavior in a book. This is what makes it even more difficult for men to come forth and report it as you mentioned. I agree, let's get it all out of there! Hugs....

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  13. I don't get it either. That's not something I want to see in a romance book.

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    1. I just don't get how or why it even needs to be in a romance novel. It's bad enough that it happens in real life. Happy Saturday Mary!

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  14. It is not right for people to go around hitting, bullying people in books or real life!

    The statistics you show are worrying ...

    All the best Jan

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    1. I'm with you on this Jan. No need for violence anywhere because it doesn't solve one dang thing! Hugs...

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  15. I think abuse of men could be much worse than the statistics say, because men are conditioned not to want to admit "weakness".

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    1. I agree with you for sure. These are reported numbers, because we know many men are not sharing this info. Sad situation that it happens to man or woman. Hugs...

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    1. You're right. It's so horrible about this needless violence. Hugs...RO

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  17. OH MY GOODNESS THANK YOUUUUUUUU. Geez, this infuriates me so much! I hate seeing even that "playful" punching or whatever! I don't think any woman should be hurting her man (whether playfully or intentionally). When she slaps him? No. No no no. You'll only catch me cheering for the woman if she is slapping some trying to rape her or abuse her or something that. But her partner (assuming healthy relationship)? Absolutely not. It drives me crazy, especially since women get more of a "free pass" since men are supposed to be tougher and women are "weaker". Or whatever. UGH!

    Anyway, great post, Ro! Have a wonderful week. =)

    Alyssa @ The Eater of Books!

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    1. I'm with you Alyssa. Sadly, this type of behavior starts from when we're kids, and hitting boys "playfully" meant we liked them, but didn't know how to tell them? Cray cray! Nothing healthy about that nonsense, and reading about it in a romance novel makes no sense at all to me. Hope your week is going well! Hugs...RO

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  18. Hope your weekend has been wondrous. Enjoy the remaining hours:)
    Hugs,

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    1. I'm waiting for this one to come soon Super Sandra. Headed out to see Ed Sheeran with Awesome Anna on Saturday! Yay! Hugs right back...

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  19. First off, how fun you got to hang with Anna!

    But back to the topic - so much yes! Guys are abused too and it shouldn't be glorified in books, movies, TV, whatever. A lot of guys don't admit these things because they are embarrassed or people don't think the woman can be the abuser. But it happens all the time!

    -Lauren
    www.shootingstarsmag.net

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    1. Hanging out with Anna is always super fun. You're right, those reported numbers are bad, but we're pretty sure they are even higher, which is so sad. Hugs...

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  20. Those statistics are frightening! It’s difficult to believe one in five women in the US have been raped – I had no idea the figures were so high. What on earth does all this say about our species?
    As for women hitting men, it is completely unacceptable just as it is unacceptable for anyone to hit another person, and it should not be glorified in books or in any other way. I hate violence in books, on television and in films and have no idea why so many people want to watch it or read about it.

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    1. You're right Barbara - those stats are downright scary, and those are just the numbers that are actually reported. To glorify it in a romance novel is not the thing to do for sure. Glad you stopped by! Hugs and Happy Wednesday!

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  21. Those are saddening figures to have to read, don't know what the world is turning to. And women hitting men, nothing good about that either.

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    1. I don't get it Blogoratti. I'd just like to see the spread of kindness. Hugs...

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